How Conscious Are You?

  When I’m falling asleep I always talk to myself like a teacher, I don’t know how or when this started, but I just start to talk myself down about whatever is on my mind and dissect my ever-growing thoughts and questions. Inevitably I end up writing a blog post about whatever I was thinking about.

  I shouldn’t describe my in-depth thoughts as a ‘teacher’, I think of it more like a TED talk. Because when I want to rant to myself I don’t want it to be off topic, I want to get a point across to my audience(aka my thoughts). I debate myself and pick a side, I end up practically meditating myself into a lucid dream where I’m stood on a stage in front of hundreds of people nodding, disagreeing, or cheering me on as if I was legitimately giving a speech.

  I always come out of this trance more grounded and having more insight about myself and how I view certain subjects. A really amazing thing came out of one of my ‘rants’ a while ago that I keep looking back on in order to keep my eye on the prize. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to figure it out if I didn’t talk myself through whatever was ticking me off.

“My success will not be driven by the doubt people have for me, my happiness will not be out of spite”

  When I think of myself talking to an audience l want my words to mean something, I find parts of myself that have more passion and clarity towards life when I let myself be my own therapist. And of course, I don’t always share all my personal thoughts, but when I end up having a time where they are too personal to share I find that it clears my mind and makes room for new ideas, theories, and more meaningful rants.

  I also do this when I am wanting to retain information, I just imagine myself talking to a group of people as if I’m teaching them and for some reason, it works. When you let yourself feel vulnerable to your own self, there are no walls trying to build themselves around you, because you can’t hide from your own thoughts. You aren't being judged by anyone but yourself and at the end of the day, you are your biggest critic so find the part of you that's your biggest supporter. Talk through your thoughts, find their meaning, declutter what you think has no purpose in your mind because it could the thing holding you back from developing into a better person. 

  I get so deep into the thought that I end up with goosebumps because the words I think are what I sub-concisely want to hear from other people. Whether its an ego boost, a wise statement like the one above that fits me in my current situation, or even just a relieving weight off my mind because it's just too full. Knowing why you are the way you are and why you think the way you think can be found by discovering the parts of your mind that you refuse to believe is there. There's a part of you that supports your ideas, don't let it get belittled by the judge. Or at least that's what I think.

Mia Mason