Human Psychology Project: Matters Of The Heart

 I think we all can agree that the idea of love is just as feared as it is longed for. I have heard story’s of people growing old together and holding the same love for one another as they did twenty years ago. But I’ve also seen it rip the life out of someone's eyes. It's scary to realize the power we have over someone's emotions and it's scary to know someone you love is capable of doing the same to you.

  This project isn't about fearing love, it's about understanding it. Something so powerful should be questioned. I want to know the psychological effects love has on us and to know the science behind heartbreak. Do we really have soulmates or twin flames? I want to understand and believe in love. 

You Can Break Your Heart?

  Inevitably my heart is going to get broken, I know it sounds pessimistic but I'm just being realistic. I’m still scared to have it happen to me, even more so now that I know all the different ways you can actually get 'broken heart syndrome'.

On the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute website, the cause of a broken heart can be triggered by,

• Emotional stressors—extreme grief, fear, or anger, for example as a result of the unexpected death of a loved one, financial or legal trouble, intense fear, domestic abuse, confrontational argument, car accident, public speaking, or even a surprise party.

• Physical stressors—an asthma attack, serious illness or surgery, or exhausting physical effort.

  Time heals all wounds I guess, at least it’s temporary and more likely to happen to me if my husband or someone I love dies. Now were onto a slightly happier subject, what goes on in your brain when you are in love, or if you just got dumped.

An Exploration Of Love On The Brain

  Helen Fisher spoke at a TED conference in February 2008, she spoke about how her and her research team took MRI’s of 17 people in love and 15 people who had just been dumped. The study found activity in a small portion of the brain called the ventral tegumental and activity in cells called A10 cells. The A10 cells actively produce dopamine that shoots out into the surrounding area of the brain, dopamine is a natural stimulant with a similar effect of cocaine.

  She spoke of the VTA(ventral tegumental)being part of the brains reward system. It is what they call the reptilian core of your brain, associated with deep yearning, drive, and motivation. This part of the brain also becomes active when you consume cocaine.

"But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high--at least you come down from cocaine. Romantic love is an obsession, it possesses you."-Excerpt from TED Talk

  The MRI done on the 15 individuals who had just been dumped showed activity in three brain regions. The first being the same brain region associated with romantic love, I feel bad for 'em. The 15 test subjects who were dumped just loved their ex’s even harder. They found the VTA region of the brain becomes more active than before when you can’t have what you want,in this case ‘who’ you want.

  The second region of the brain that activated was associated with calculating gains and losses. They showed a photo of their ex to them and their brain started to wonder what went wrong and if they could fix it. Helen Fisher say's the same part of the brain becomes active when your inclined to take huge risks for large gains and large losses.

  The third part of the brain that they found activity in was a region of the brain that correlates to a deep attachment to another individual.

“No wonder why so many people suffer around the world, and why we have so many crimes of passion--more than ever, this brain circuit for reward is working, and you’re feeling an intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation and willingness to risk it all, to win life's greatest prize"-Helen Fisher TED Talk

Another study, done by Art Alan, that she mentions in her talk was about MRI's taken by people who say they are still romantically in love after 25 years of marriage. The same VTA region of the brain is flooded with dopamine just like the 17 other test subjects. Even after so many years of marriage, it's scientifically proven that you can still be romantically in love.

  I’m embarrassed to admit that I was scared to start researching the science and psychological effects of love. I was worried that I'd somehow become desensitized after knowing romance can't be defined by a "spark" or something. I was scared that romantic love or real love doesn't exist after 25+ years of marriage.

  The birth of the topic of love came from a poem I read over three years ago on Tumblr. My mindset on love shifted from "rose-colored glasses" to "Hearts were made to be broken".

'A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.

‘Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.’-Source

  For three years I have had this poem in the back of my mind when I thought of relationships or love. I was terrified that my quirks would become a burden or that I would fall out of love out because of someones annoyance. Today when I was looking for this poem I found an interview in an article of the girl who wrote the poem. What she say's shifted the topic of this project and my view on love today.

  The girl's name is Taylor, and she says: "I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote that and left out the most important and most beautiful part of the class". She says that in the class she asked the teacher if love was a feeling or a choice, the class answered that love was a choice a, 'conscious commitment'. And that 'feelings' were always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

  In her final statement, she say's: "I no longer fear the day someone I swore was the universe can no longer see the stars in my eye's, as long as they choose to look for them until they find them again."

  It made my day to know this girl doesn’t fear love anymore, I let go of my fear of it today once I did all this research. But I still wanted to know if soulmates existed, I found an interview with one of my favorite authors, Vanessa Van Edwards. It turns out that If you believe in soulmates it say’s a lot about you, and if you don’t then it say’s even more.

Vanessa is lead investigator at her human behavior research lab, the Science of People. She designs original research experiments to crack the code of human behavior. Her unique work has been featured on NPR, the Wall Street Journal, the Today Show and USA Today. She has written for CNN, Fast Company and Forbes -Her website

  Vanessa Van Edwards is one of my favorite authors, she has the best insight into human behavior. I just found one of her interviews called The Science Of Soulmates and it is very intriguing and eye-opening.

  there is a science behind people who believe in soulmates or not. She talks about research done by Dr. Knee and how those who believe in soulmates and those who don't are categorized into two groups. If you believe in soulmates you are called a Destiny Believer and if you don't you are called a Growth Mindset Believer.

“The way the two groups go into relationships differentiates the path of your relationship into what I call the ‘soulmate trap’.”-Vanessa Van Edwards

Destiny Believers: How They See Relationships   They put a lot of energy assessing the other person, they ask themselves if this person is for them, are they the one, Is this person for me?

Growth Mindset Believers: How They See Relationships   They put energy into building the relationship, they ask themselves if they can work together and if they can make it work. They ask, how can we grow together? How can we do more together?

Destiny Believers: Patterns In Relationships   They tend to have short, passionate, and intense relationships. And all of a sudden, there is a bump in the road, the smallest things go wrong and they either bail or let the relationship fizzle out. They do this because they fear that they are wasting their time and that soulmates are supposed to be 'perfect' for them.

Growth Mindset Believers: Patterns in relationships   They take their time assessing the other person and setting up the connection. They figure out if they can make it work or not and tend to have longer and more stable relationships.

Destiny Believers: Advice    Vanessa Van Edwards suggests that assessing your fundamental values and things that you can grow to love. Fundamental values are something you don't want to compromise on, it's a necessity for you to live a happy life with your partner. Know and understand that you can choose to overcome the little problems that are inevitable to happen in relationships. Compromise isn't a weakness and every bump in the road is an opportunity to grow together.

  In this interview, she puts a lot of emphasis on shifting your mindset as a destiny believer rather than your beliefs. Whether you believe in soulmates or not you should know that compromise is the greatest gift you could give someone and that you will find yourself in that position in both relationships and friendships as an opportunity to grow together through compromise. 

  Deciding to grow together is the best part of being human and that it's not a deal breaker or a bad sign, it's an opportunity to connect even deeper. In the end, just like the girl who took a Relationships For Life class, you have to make a concise decision to choose love.    That was my Human Psychology Project on the science and psychology of love! I hope you enjoyed and learned as much as I did, there is so much about love that I didn’t know before. 

Mia Mason